An old post I'm reviving because I think it matters
Many Christians have been shattered by the news of Jean Vanier's spiritual abuse of women at L'Arche over the years. I knew of L'Arche through Henri Nouwen's writing and knew little about Vanier. I listened to the Quick to Listen podcast (by Christianity Today), which recently had a discussion about this revelation.
My first response was, "Well, he's a creep and sinful, but isn't this just about affairs with women who worked with him?" as if that somehow excused the behaviors. The more I listened, the more I saw the abuse of power as a spiritual leader. Part of it comes from a different perception of power in the more hierarchical Catholicism, but he was in a venerated position and telling women there was some kind of sacred meaning in their sexual relationships, which is all the more sordid. The speakers on the podcast spoke about the need for a spiritual director who ensures accountability and counseling, the fact that the church has not dealt with issues of sexuality, spirituality, and power, and our own responses of anger, excusing, blaming.
All excellent points; it's a great podcast. But I come back to a question that will get me in trouble, and be assured, I'm not victim blaming...
Why were the women he abused so untaught, so spiritually immature, that they could not call him on his religious b---s---? Why are women today so fearful of saying NO! Are women inherently too weak, too stupid and unlearned, to know when to walk away? I think of the women whom Bill Hybels had consensual relations with. Did they not know any better? Could they really say, "I had no choice whatsoever?"
I know, I know. Power. And more so, physical strength. When it's a matter of physical strength, it's rape, pure and simple, and there is no limit to the punishment that should be meted out on a man who would rape women under his so-called spiritual authority.
My answer is not victim-blaming. My answer is to teach women and girls, from day one, that they should know the Word, should know who they are as women, should not put themselves in vulnerable positions out of ignorance, should see the warning signs of manipulation and abuse as they start to happen, to have strategies for extricating themselves from the situations. Yes, empowerment. And empowered woman, psychologically, intellectually, spiritually, and physically, will have the tools to say no. This doesn't mean there will be no rape--of course not. But it will keep many women from the pain of bad choices and the pain of victimization of abusers who use power.
My first response was, "Well, he's a creep and sinful, but isn't this just about affairs with women who worked with him?" as if that somehow excused the behaviors. The more I listened, the more I saw the abuse of power as a spiritual leader. Part of it comes from a different perception of power in the more hierarchical Catholicism, but he was in a venerated position and telling women there was some kind of sacred meaning in their sexual relationships, which is all the more sordid. The speakers on the podcast spoke about the need for a spiritual director who ensures accountability and counseling, the fact that the church has not dealt with issues of sexuality, spirituality, and power, and our own responses of anger, excusing, blaming.
All excellent points; it's a great podcast. But I come back to a question that will get me in trouble, and be assured, I'm not victim blaming...
Why were the women he abused so untaught, so spiritually immature, that they could not call him on his religious b---s---? Why are women today so fearful of saying NO! Are women inherently too weak, too stupid and unlearned, to know when to walk away? I think of the women whom Bill Hybels had consensual relations with. Did they not know any better? Could they really say, "I had no choice whatsoever?"
I know, I know. Power. And more so, physical strength. When it's a matter of physical strength, it's rape, pure and simple, and there is no limit to the punishment that should be meted out on a man who would rape women under his so-called spiritual authority.
My answer is not victim-blaming. My answer is to teach women and girls, from day one, that they should know the Word, should know who they are as women, should not put themselves in vulnerable positions out of ignorance, should see the warning signs of manipulation and abuse as they start to happen, to have strategies for extricating themselves from the situations. Yes, empowerment. And empowered woman, psychologically, intellectually, spiritually, and physically, will have the tools to say no. This doesn't mean there will be no rape--of course not. But it will keep many women from the pain of bad choices and the pain of victimization of abusers who use power.
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