Pet death

Death of a long-term animal companion is very painful. It's even worse when it's sudden, when one morning a dog we thought was generally healthy but aging wakes up unable to walk and within 24 to 48 hours has to be euthanized. (I realize this happens with cats as well. I will reserve my thoughts to dogs and cats, knowing there are other species.)

I grieve with friends in this situation, because in 2013 it happened to us and it's still a bitter memory. I had no idea what it was like to watch one's little dog die after the injection. It still hurts. 

But there is, for me, another side of this sadness for many. I explain with this website's words:

"For the elderly, and for those whom have chosen not to have a human family, a pet is their 'child.' It is often their only companion. Their pet is their joy and when humans are not present, it is their pet that they communicate with. Their life revolves around the care and love, devoted to their pet." (healgrief.org, a website not just for animal deaths but with other good resources.)

I find this sadder than the loss of the pet. 

Why would someone replace humans and family with a pet? We often hear "unconditional love." Here I become a curmudgeon. What that means is "unaccountable love." Love doesn't have conditions, but it has responsibilities, and it involves complications. 

A cat or dog involves no complications. You feed it, you let it out to do its business, you take it to the vet, and it curls up on your lap or beside you on the sofa. It's a comforting physical presence, it's often very humorous and a source of joy, and it can be protective (my pit bull surely is). And yes, in its way, it loves, or is at least constant and loyal.  

What people mean, I fear, is that the dog or cat doesn't care about your personal choices. If you smoke, drink too much, abuse your child, cheat on your spouse, do drugs, or forget to pay the light bill, the dog or cat doesn't know or care. People in your life do. They like and demand behaviors the pets aren't aware of.

People have opinions: opinions we don't like, and they try to get in our bid-ness. Sometimes, they do worse. They abuse, they do drugs, they hurt us, they don't pay the light bill or they run up the credit cards. Just like the pets don't care about these things, they don't do them, either. 

So, at one level it's understandable why some of us find solace in a pet when people are out of control or making our lives difficult. But it's very sad, and I wish we could all find community that talks back and doesn't just wag its tail. The church is supposed to be that, and we've failed miserably for some. Especially for older women, who are the neglected demographic, despite what the New Testament commands.  

And let me just add, the equation of losing a pet to losing a human child is deeply insensitive and cruel. The pet is not your child. I know, this will make people mad. I don't care. Enough is enough.