The myth, the problem, and the consequences of control

 In my first year seminar course, I am focusing more on time management, because that was the barrier last semester. The students I have now who are repeating commonly confess that they had no time management skills. 

I bring up Covey's proactivity emphasis, the urgent v. important paradigm, gave them a calendar to use, and preach against TikTok. 

But the mantra is "You can't control time. You can only control your choices in the moment."

Many of us have issues with control. Not only can we not control time, we cannot control others, which frustrates us no end, and we cannot control circumstances. We can only control our thoughts, our choices, our intentionality, our planning. 

Two examples. As I get older (because I cannot control time, otherwise I would slow it down!) my hands don't work. I drop everything. I broke a teapot lid yesterday. I waste eggs. Knives slip out of my hands. If it can be dropped, it's likely I will. (the reason? possibly from breaking my thumb in September, but also general clutziness and too much typing).  If I am carrying something heavy, I can only become very focused on it so that I don't take for granted I can and will drop it otherwise. 

Same with driving. I fear, especially because I have to drive in rain and darkness in the morning, that I will have an accident, my fault or likely someone elses (this has happened to me on the interstate). It compels me to total intentionality and mindfulness, which I can control when I can't control the other careless drivers (many of them on Cleveland Highway here) and the weather conditions. 

It is our desire to control others that is more difficult to address. This likelihood is pretty limited, unless we are a parent of a child up to a certain age, or we are paying people or giving some other reward (grades), or we are manipulative and unethical. Even then, we only control behavior, not attitudes (re: student evaluations.)

We do not control others. We only influence them, for good or will. 

Control is a myth. Darth Vader was wrong: Resistance is not futile.