Addendum to Lent

I now know what I'm giving up for Lent. Anger.

More specifically, in the spiritual journey to the resurrection that is traditionally called Lent, I want God to mine the depths of the anger within me and reveal its source to me so that I might pursue a path of repentance and renewal and then experience the resurrection in a metaphorical way, as Christ did in a factual and literal way.

What am I angry about? It's not so much the object but the disposition. I am angry about the economy; the stupidity of this situation we're in both politically and morally and economically; the lies of the news media; the belief that we must be what our emotions tell us to be and must do what our inclinations tell us to do; the holocaust of abortion and all oppression of the stronger and powerful by the weaker, whether in Darfur, China, or the more polished society of the U.S.; the greed that got us here; the apathy of the church, (not even sure it qualifies as apathy--one must be aware before one has the choice to be apathetic, and I see massive cluelessness in most of us who sit in the pews, and not much more than that from the pulpits); the laziness of my students who have such a great opportunity before them and squander it; unmet expectations of my own life, relationships, and work; my daily failure to walk with God in a meaningful way. . . . So you see, that's a lot of anger coming from, I think, a sense of idealism but also I think a sense of self-righteousness and perhaps even entitlement.

I'm not sure who the philosopher was who began this discussion, but I think we humans live somewhere on a continuity of love and justice. Some of us are lovers; some of us are justice-bound. I'm on the justice-bound side. Each has its good points, but extremes are always likely to be bad. Fortunately for us, God embodies and expresses the perfect balance of justice and love, which we can only mirror in a very limited way. Perfect love and justice meet in the incarnation and cross of Christ.

Some of my anger comes from being so justice-bound. It will be, must be balanced by love, but not some love I generate. Anger, as communication research shows us, is a poweful but unpredictable motivator, one more likely to lead to frenetic as opposed to productive action. Thus, it must, for me, be repented of so that something else can take its place.

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