Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest

-

I participated in the above mentioned contest.  I got to the second round, which means they liked my pitch (it was good) but didn't like my first chapter.  Here are my two reviewers' comments.  They are hilarious.  I agree with the first person's view of my sentence length.  I think I was trying to do a Cormac McCarthy/William Faulkner thing that didn't work.

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The theme is very interesting, along with a real flavor for this southern town. The reader gets a real feeling for Virginia and the baking festival that she proposes.

What aspect needs the most work?

There are some issues with language usage. Some of the sentences are very long and would benefit by being shorter. There is not much here that needs more work.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

I thoroughly enjoyed this excerpt and it held my interest throughout. I wanted to know what happens next and how the festival progresses. It is a well-written piece.

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

This reads to me like a pretty good representation of life in small town America, albeit more like small town America in the middle of the 20th Century than small town America at the turn of the 21st.

What aspect needs the most work?

Suggest the author consider creating and adding some uniquely quirky characters and unexpected situations early on. The excerpt offered here makes me think of what Mayberry might have been like if it was populated mostly by sweet old Aunt Bees and missing its Andys and Opies and Barneys and Gomers, Goobers and Floyd the barber.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

I had a hard time staying awake. But, then again, I was born and raised in small town America, never felt at home there, hightailed it to the big city as soon as I was able and never looked back. So I'm about as far as you can get from a target audience for this book.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kallman's Syndrome: The Secret Best Kept

-
I went to my cardiologist yesterday.   Every year I have to wear a Holter monitor for a day because of a heart ablation I had in 2007.   If you don’t know what a Holter monitor is, it’s a 24-hour mobile, wires-hanging-off-your-body EKG.   The nurse practitioner saw me, (not the doctor, which is ok because his voice puts me to sleep).   She was very sweet.   She asked me if I was still taking Estradiol and Progesterin.   “No,” I said. “I’ve totally gone off those.   I was on them for a very long time and I wanted to be sure to stop.” What I didn’t tell her is how long I actually had taken those hormones.   37 years.   I started with HRT when I was 17 because I have Kallman’s Syndrome.   You may never meet a person who has this condition.   It only affects 1 in 10,000 people (or 1 in 86,000, according to one source) so that’s quite a range and far more males have it than females (as do most negative things).   So, being female, I am quite an oddit
Read more

Do I Really Have to See the Barbie Movie?

-
 You know, I was going to write an essay about the Barbie movie .  I am pretty close to deciding that I don't need to spend $8 or more (plus gasoline), 3 hours, and some brain cells looking at pink (only pretty in its natural settings) silliness.  Therefore, I think I will also save the time writing this trying to explain why I probably won't see it unless it comes on YouTube and I'm too tired to do anything else.  Some are talking about it like it's the most profound art of the summer and an insightful exploration of sexual power dynamics. I have enough problems already. And I watched the other half of Barbenheimer already, Oppenheimer (it is brilliant except for the unnecessary and nauseating sex, which I guess was put in there to show what a womanizer he was).  I've already spent my 3 hours on movies for the summer.  Oh, and three on Sound of Freedom, but that was obligatory. And worth it; despite the controversies (ginned up by media that will attack anything
Read more